testimony #1

9/27/08

sooo...Hyung asked me to write a testimony, and I've been too lazy to really sit myself down and write something. Though this blog is public, I find more privacy in writing on this blog than composing a document on my parent's pc. I must watch what I do in my parent's home because they monitor everything, or I guess they try to. Anyway, back to the task at hand.

In bible study today, I felt like the message was that man was made in the image and likeness of Christ, therefore man has a purpose. Every flaw and talent we have was made for a purpose, God's purpose. When I related the story of man's creation to my life, I was given a new sense of hope. I feel like to the secular world I'm just a big screw up. I feel like I don't fit in and I'm consistently alienated from the world and people around me because of my idealistic character. I haven't felt like this in a long time, but these days I feel so incompetent. I'm so tired of people scolding me for not being able to do simple tasks or for not thinking ahead. I'm so sensitive that I am plagued with this really really dark guilty feeling every time I mess up, and I have trouble pushing forward. I feel like this is why I want to be a teacher so bad. I know how it feels to be constantly yelled at and constantly reminded that you're a screw up. I've been taught the ways of the world through other people and through my own experiences. I feel like I'm one of the slowest learners in the world, but that only gives me more patience to teach others.

I suppose my point is in all of this is that in spite of all my sin and all my flaws, I know that God has created me in this way for a reason. I feel like every detail of my life can be used to glorify Him, but the thing is sometimes I choose to ignore what He's saying, or sometimes I'm just ignorant to His voice. Every night I go to sleep, I reflect on my life and I think about all my hopes and aspirations, and I just feel something deep within my heart that keeps believing that God wants me to do something great in this world. I feel like God's blessed me with a big heart and, if one day, I see His vision clearly, I can really move the world for His glory.

I was so uplifted by the word today. The secular world might not see the value in me, but I know in my heart that God created me for a bigger purpose that this world might not understand. I do not fully understand what God has in store for me, but I am sure of this...no matter how small we are in comparison to God's omniscient presence, the creation of our lives was not an accident. I am not an accident.

back in irvine

I'm a hermit

back to life

Today/yesterday marks my last day as a full-time worker at Maroo. The constant faces of regular customers, incessant shouting from fatigued waiters and waitresses, endless words of encouragement from MJ, and priceless gifts from my tongsang, Joseph, will no longer exist. Instead, the fickle characters of peers, inconsistent praises and criticisms from instructors, alienation from those around me, and splinters of uncertainty will consume me.

The routine of long summer nights are gone. It's time for a reality check. Life does not stop at Maroo nor does it end with school. My whole life is ahead of me, God willing, so what I am complaining about?

wow!! :0

I LOVE CHARICE PEMPENGCO! I'm gonna send that letter to Oprah, fo shizzy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_R_3xa5hoQ

summer blues

I don't know what I'm feeling these days. I guess the only way to describe it is the blues. I'm anxious but also dreading the start of the new quarter, and I'm just waiting for some change in my life. At the beginning of each school year, I think that some dramatic change has occurred deep within myself, but my actions seem to tell me otherwise. I just feel so disassociated to everything and so unsure of everything, and I feel like the transition from life at home in the valley to life at school in Irvine is forcing me to wake up from all the haze. I'm just worried that I'll leave the haze of the valley, and enter a stony jadedness in Irvine. Maybe I'm being too dramatic about everything and I'm just a lazy ass who wants to avoid all the stresses that school brings, LOL!

All of these thoughts really make me wonder, "What would life be like with a group of real chingoos?"
I really like that song "Chasing Pavements" by Adele, very soothing...

I'm a newb, woohoo!

Wow I never thought that blogging could be so fun! I don't know if this is how people normally blog , or what blogging even means, but I like it! :) Maybe I should check the definition of, "blog". Just one moment please...so wiki describes, "A blog (a contraction of the term "Web log") is a Web site, usually maintained by an individual ^[1], with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video." Perhaps I should start my blogs by providing some worthy commentary, then later on I shall provide descriptions of some events, and then maybe I shall provide a visual aid (like a picture because I'm not computer savy) for people who view this blog.

Let's begin with my "worthy commentary". I would like to comment on me and Carol's exploration on the world of human evolution. Carol is my dear friend that introduced me to the blogspot, and I am going to take this time to share an account of our early exploration on the world of evolution. In the midst of sharing this account, maybe I can complete some sort of testimony for my bible study teacher, Peter, who sparked this discussion about evolution. I will give you some background information about the situation they got me facing. (btw that Coolio song is my favorite song to sing at karaoke, well actually that comes in second to Blackstreet's "No Diggity".)

Earlier this summer, I decided to study the bible with Peter, my Hyung from Maroo. Maroo is the restaurant I work at, but my relationship with Maroo is an extraordinary one. Basically, Maroo has been my life this summer. Any time I talk to anyone, Maroo always comes up because I'm so attached to all the people that and eat there. MAROO IS MY LOVE, the girlfriend that I've always dreamt of. Anyway, back to the story.

So after many arguments with my father, I continued to study the bible with Peter. A few weeks ago we came across the story of Creation in Genesis: 1. After reading the first part of chapter 1, Peter asked me what I thought about evolution because in the bible it tells us that man was created in the image of God. I said to Peter, "I don't know what I think about it. Maybe Adam and Eve were monkeys, who knows and who cares about what they looked like." Peter was shocked at what he heard. He rebuked me for my efforts in making both concept co-exist. He told me that I would fail in making the bible living and breathing in my life, if I did not see the bible as truth. His words got me thinking about what I believed in. I felt that everyone who attended the university just accepted everyone's theories about evolution. After bible study, I called my dear friend Carol.

I shared my bible study about genesis with her, and I asked her if we could both conduct some independent research about human evolution and share our findings over an intelligent discussion. After many weeks of procrastination, on my part, we finally met to talk about human evolution. Truthfully, we didn't really research too much, but it was a start to a deep exploration of this debated theory. After reading some stuff on wiki, and watching clips of some documentary, I started to question the validity of the evolutionary theory, but I also challenged my faith in the bible. In the documentary we watched, provided by this human evolutionary site, called becoming human, (http://www.becominghuman.org/) paleontologists talked about their findings of such fossils like Lucy. The video went on to tell us that human DNA shared 98% of DNA from chimpanzees, but the commentator assured us that we did not evolve from chimps, and that we actually shared a common ancestor that was some form of Homo Erectus, I think, or maybe the video just segwayed into homo erectus. It made me think that maybe all these fossils that they found were just different forms of primates but they weren't really human. Maybe they were homo erectus, but that doesn't mean that they were the humans that God created. On the other hand, the video made me think that maybe Adam and Eve were some sort of Homo Erectus because, according to the video, homo erectus had a big enough brain to think for himself and form cultures, so I don't really know what to believe. I guess everything just takes faith, and I've come to the realization that I do have faith in God and I trust in him, but I don't want to just brush things off and just accept aspects of my faith just because some people in the church side with a specific view.

I will conclude this blog at another time. I'm getting sleepy, and I need to wake up early tomorrow cuz it be my day off, yo, got to maximize my time! :)

ooo the world of blogging

My friend, Carol Kim, motivated me to create a life for myself through the use of technology. It all started with the many worries I had about my bill payments for my new apartment. Since I was in L.A. the whole summer, I trusted the leasing office to take care of the new updates for my utility bill. However, Carol informed me that Leasing Centers are shady and that they should not be trusted. Thus, I decided to be pro-active about the matter, and I took matters into my own hands by registering online for my bill payments. My reconnection with the wonders of the worldwide web reminded me of my desire to start blogging and to keep my thoughts on record, so HERE I AM WORLD, yeeeeheeee! :)