What a great feat!

At 11:46pm, October 27. 2008, I finished Wurthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I've never read anything like it. It awakened parts of my soul that I never knew existed. The imagery in this novel was crrazzzzyyyyy! I'll never serve the book justice with an in-depth commentary, but I shall affirm that I was moved by the novel. I think this is the beginning of a new love for classic novels! ARRRGGG, MATEY! :)

slowin it down...

I went to daily mass on Monday and Fr. John Francis emphasized that we need to take care of our bodies, so that we can think attentively and with vigilance. His message really got me thinking about how I take care of not only myself, but also of living things around me.

I had these two gold fishes and I fed them a couple of times. I think I changed their tank once, and I just basically left them to die. At first, I thought to myself they're just gold fishes, but they're a reflection of how I treat living things. I feel like I have the stereotypical mentality of a college kid who just goes through the motions of daily life, being pulled from here to there, and I end up just getting caught up in things and numb to everything and everyone around me. I feel like so many times in my life, I just live the day with such indifference and restlessness. Actually, with my extreme personality I'm on top of the world one minute and I burn out like a fuse the next, and I feel like these days I'm just bursting with life, but if I don't take care of my life, or of the lives of those around me, then all my hopes and desires are worthless.

You know how comic collectors, or like action-figure collectors, try to keep their possessions in "mint" conditions so that they can increase the value. Well, I want to keep my life in its best condition, and nurture my body and soul, to have some value in it. I know God has blessed me with life and no matter how good or bad life is, I MUST push forward! AJA, AJA! TIRA, TIRA! SI SE PUEDE!

back to square 1

uhhhhhh....it seems like I can never escape discontent. Right when I think I got it all figured, I just retard into my insecure self. At work today, I realized that although I'd like to live in a Christian bubble, there is a whole world of corruption and selfishness that will eat me alive if I don't play by the rules, but I'm just trying to find strength in Christ and stand strong in this world. It's so weird cuz there are so many times when I feel like my heart can lift up the whole world up and change the situation, but things just bring me down. Errggg. It's so frustrating because I really give into my idealistic self and I delsuion myself into thinking that I can really make a change with the love I feel for the world, but I become weak to the disappointments of life and people. As a result, I'm left back at square one, ineffecient and idol. I pray to God that the heart he's blessed me with enables me to do His will and change the world for His glory. I know he's blessed me with compassion for a reason, and I pray that I find strength in Him and cease from being discouraged by the world.

I'm tired of being prideful and compromising myself for the approval of others. I just want to stay true to myself, and I want to remind myself that God is truth and if I have God with me then the truth in my life will shine through and overcome the deception of this world. I know I am very much part of the deception, selfishness, and pride of the world, and I pray that I rid myself of all these things and let my compassion for people overcome all my selfishness. I do not know how feasible this is, for I admit that my sinfulness can get the best of me, but I just pray...I pray to trust and God and through Him I hope to trust in myself.

oh man, what a life

so i'm currently reading Things Fall Apart, by Chinua Achebe, and my professor for the class tried to encourage us to get in the mindset of the time and place of the novel. He challenged us to think with a global perspective and avoid falling into preconceived notions.

i feel so foolish because I kept reading the novel and all I could hear was the incessant comments of classmates who kept talking about how the story was so admirable because it reminded of hard-work and how Americans love hard work and the American Dream and I was just like damn...why do some people think all about America. I know it's a bold statement to say, but that's just how I felt. I know it's wrong to say, but I'm really just venting.

My point is that I wasn't getting into the voice of the speaker, so I tried to immerse myself in the time and place. This is where the sad part comes. I try to immerse myself in the time and place by listening to music, and I immediately search the Lion King in Imeem, and I was quite disappointed in myself even though I love that song, "The Circle of Life". I realize how media, and the tales I grew up with as a child, have molded me into a fabricated perceiver who has a romanticized perception of life, and I've been so darn irritated with all this romanticized writing that I just disappointed myself, so now I will go back to my reading. I WILL READ WITH THE VOICES OF THE SPEAKER IN MIND! Oh one last thing that kind of helped me was that I searchd African Music and I came across some songs with some really nice rhythms and beats. Then, I came across this one track that was a modern rap song with Jay-Z and it was called "Cuz I'm African," the artist listed is Wale? I don't know if this is even an African artist but it's a tight song!!!! :)

study nights

I LOVE STUDYIN' WID MY BIG AT GATEWAY!!! I feel so refreshed! I wish I could feel like this always at school! :)