clean start

i just got out of the shower and i feel so fresh and so clean. i miss this feeling. the feeling of being totally edified by the small things in life, like being able to take a nice cold shower after relentlessly trying to scrub down a very smelly fridge, is crucial for a healthy life. i live like such a barbaric nomad sometimes that i forget what it feels like, i forget how good it feels, to experience balance. when i am balanced, i don't have a million thoughts running through my head, i'm not fumbling over my words or tripping over my steps because i feel a certain calmness, a feeling of fresh cleanliness void of all the stank that wreaks my life. im tired of feeling this cleanliness so seldom in my life. i want some consistency for goodness sake and i need to train and discipline myself to stay clean, literally and figuratively. i think my obsession with being clean derives from my recent experiences of having so much crap to clean up. for instance, i've had a virus on my computer for the past few days, and i recently got rid of all those Trojans with Malwarebytes Anti-Maleware and it was totally free! now that i look back on the whole situation, i really prolonged the whole problem. in my life, i tend to make things a lot harder for myself and i think it's because im just used to having difficulty with things. with this whole virus thing, i would turn on my computer and see like a billion pop-ups and get so frustrated about the slowness of my computer, and its inability to log on the internet, that i would just turn off my computer and complain to my friends. im so tired of not having things come easily that i just kind of ignore certain things... im tired i will finish this post tomorrow...hopefully i will continue this clean start

i love the feeling of brushing your teeth really thoroughly