uhhhhhh....it seems like I can never escape discontent. Right when I think I got it all figured, I just retard into my insecure self. At work today, I realized that although I'd like to live in a Christian bubble, there is a whole world of corruption and selfishness that will eat me alive if I don't play by the rules, but I'm just trying to find strength in Christ and stand strong in this world. It's so weird cuz there are so many times when I feel like my heart can lift up the whole world up and change the situation, but things just bring me down. Errggg. It's so frustrating because I really give into my idealistic self and I delsuion myself into thinking that I can really make a change with the love I feel for the world, but I become weak to the disappointments of life and people. As a result, I'm left back at square one, ineffecient and idol. I pray to God that the heart he's blessed me with enables me to do His will and change the world for His glory. I know he's blessed me with compassion for a reason, and I pray that I find strength in Him and cease from being discouraged by the world.
I'm tired of being prideful and compromising myself for the approval of others. I just want to stay true to myself, and I want to remind myself that God is truth and if I have God with me then the truth in my life will shine through and overcome the deception of this world. I know I am very much part of the deception, selfishness, and pride of the world, and I pray that I rid myself of all these things and let my compassion for people overcome all my selfishness. I do not know how feasible this is, for I admit that my sinfulness can get the best of me, but I just pray...I pray to trust and God and through Him I hope to trust in myself.
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